Crossroads...

Its 5am on a thursday. Today i'll be working a 9 hour shift at the music store...and i'm honestly excited. I'm so fortunate to have a job that is based on MUSIC... it may not be playing music all day...but its still very active in my passion and i'm greatful. Sometimes tho...I don't feel greatful for my situation in life. My life in Moncton has been rewarding and very experienced... but I do often wonder... can I make more of it Musically?! ...what can I do different to have different results?! I honestly wish I wasn't confused with life these days...and I honestly would like advice/opinions...because I feel like a dog chasing its tail lately. I'm torn between being Mike...and being Mike Machine. I honestly live 2 lives... the life of me as Me ...Mike Mallais... a somewhat normal guy with a big heart and will always give my best to my friends and family... and then theres the creature my ego has created... Mike Machine. Machine wants to give up on anything outside of music that takes up my time... example would be romance. There are some very inspirational drummers out there that really make me wonder...are they happy?! ...guys like Virgil Donati... who appear to spend EVERY waking second working on the craft... are they happy with this path in life? ...I don't think he's a complete hermit...but as close as i can imagine i'm sure... and then there are guys like Mike Mangini... who not only have massive chops/endorsements/support/bands etc...but he's married and has a son!!! So if I gave myself... again... completely to music... would it be fulfilling? ...would touring as a Pearl artist make my life complete? ...would being married with a child be more rewarding? ...the demands for me are equal...there is never enough sleep...and always enough stress to go around...no matter what I'm involved in... but what will satisfy me?!?!?!?! Ive been drumming 30 years this year...feel i've been there and done ALOT of it...yet I still find myself curious/passonate/hungry for MORE!!! and the same is said for me romanticly...i've been in love... and i've been just as torn in love as I am out of love... so what will help me decide?! Perhaps Moncton isn't the answer for my 30's... maybe Moncton just doesent offer enough to an English speaking Drummer?!?!?! No matter how dedicated?!?! ...feel free to say whatever you want... email me @ L_Injection@hotmail.com if you can't post here... thanks and really hope I don't come across as ungreatful... more like confused.